You’re feeling a bit blah about your job, or one aspect of it, but so is everyone else, so you figure that’s okay, and you’ll just hang on until things get better…

There’s something that you really want but your employer keeps offering you opportunities that aren’t aligned with it, and you take them because you’re grateful…

There’s someone whose work really inspires you. You’d love to be where they are but figure they just worked harder, are more qualified or deserved it more…

This one’s for the coasters. Nope – not the pretty things you put your tea on – those among us who are kind of drifting along in their job, feeling like they’re lucky to even have a job and probably shouldn’t ask for more (certainly not in the current climate!). Those who feel like they don’t deserve a promotion, aren’t worth a pay rise, or can’t conceive of asking their employer for what they really want. If that sounds a teensy bit familiar, welcome. I want you to know that there’s absolutely nothing wrong with taking some time to reset between career sprints or big projects, or for any other reason. But if you’re feeling like you’re drifting off track and want to get back on, you’re absolutely in the right place. 

How to use this guide

Think of this less as a guide and more as a ‘bit of a talking to’. If you’re in need of one of those, for the reasons mentioned above, I really recommend bookmarking this until you have some headspace, so you can really listen and absorb it. Try reading it all at once to start with, then coming back to the pieces that really resonate.  

Contents

Grateful ambition
Know this: It’s okay to want to love your job
You deserve it
And you’re worth it
How to: Nurture your self-belief
How to: Get support for what you want
A final thingy: Just ask
Testimonial: self-belief

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Grateful ambition

Gratitude is a great thing. It’s even proven to be a great thing (for your happiness, your health etc). I believe wholeheartedly in gratitude, and if you have a thriving gratitude practice, good on you. But here’s the thing: gratitude can sometimes get in the way of ambition. 

I see this a lot: people limiting their ambition because they feel they should be grateful for where they are or what they already have. Here are some examples: 

• Not wanting to ask for more flexibility because you feel you should be grateful for the hybrid working your company already offers
  
• Not wanting to ask for a pay rise because you feel you should should be grateful for the fair pay you already get

• Not wanting to ask for a promotion because you feel you should be grateful for the position you already have

What I wish more people knew is that you don’t have to be grateful or ambitious; you can be grateful and ambitious at the same time. 

You’ve worked hard to get where you are and at every stage you can be grateful for the one that came before AND you can want more. 

Know this: it’s okay to want to love your job

Sometimes when you’re feeling less than okay about your job, or perhaps an aspect of your job, it can feel like everyone else is in the same boat. If you have a little moan (totally fine!) others will often offer their own in solidarity. This creates the illusion that no one loves their job, and therefore the feeling that if you don’t love your job, that’s just normal, and you don’t need to change anything

Let me offer a different perspective: 

When I was about 15 and rehearsing for a play with my amateur dramatics group, the director asked me this question: ‘What Do You Want to Be When You Grow Up?’ It’s a question every young person has been asked at some point in their life. I thought for a moment, and I responded with one word: Happy. 

He was taken aback. He was expecting me to announce my career intent. He smiled and said, ‘good choice’. We sadly lost him to Covid, but he will live in my memory as one of the first people to help me define what was to come twenty-something years later. I didn’t know it at the time, but I had stated my intent to focus on joy.

From being a barmaid, to fitting kids’ shoes, the temp job I had until I had worked out what to do, to my work training, coaching, and leading teams in financial services, to my last employed job as a head of talent and development in the world of sport, and the work I do now as a coach, consultant and speaker, I’ve always loved my work. And I know I’m not alone. 

It’s okay to want to love your job, because…

You deserve it

By now I’ve coached hundreds of people to find more WorkJoy, so I can say with at least some degree of certainty that many people put up with the work they do or even stay in chronic WorkGloom because they feel deep down that they don’t deserve better.

Especially if you’re getting a lot of reinforcement from conversations with friends or colleagues that WorkGloom is normal, it can be all too easy to think, ‘Well who am I to want more?’ Well let me ask you this: Why should you not want more? And this: Who on earth do you think you are serving by playing small, staying put or feeling gloomy? 

The answer (can ya guess?) is a big, fat NO ONE. Not your bestie. Not your boss. Not the business you work for. And certainly not yourself. 

Or, to look at this another way, think of a person who is doing great things in a field that makes you feel really excited (this could be a person you actually know or just wish you did). Now tell me, did this person get where they are because they deserve it more than you do? Because they worked harder or have an extra qualification or are just better at their job than you are? 

No. 

(Truthfully, they probably got where they were because they saw or created opportunities for themselves, asked for what they wanted and also worked hard. You can also do these things.) 

‘I don’t deserve it’ is simply a squiffy story you’ve been telling yourself. 

They deserve it. You deserve it. We all deserve it. 

Reflection questions Notice what stories you’re telling yourself about what you do or don’t deserve at work (a payrise, promotion, flexible working etc)

And you’re worth it

Closely related to the decidedly ugly ‘I don’t deserve it’ is an even more pernicious story: ‘I’m not worth it.’ And I have only this to say on the matter. 

Yes. Yes you are.

You absolutely are. 

YOU ARE!  

You just need a little self-belief. 

How to: Nurture your self-belief

Self-belief – having trust in yourself – doesn’t mean thinking you’re great at everything or have nothing to learn or improve on. It means that you know your strengths and how to use them, and that you can take action to improve (we’re aiming for progress over perfection here). 

Building self-belief can be tricky, especially if you’ve been underestimating or undervaluing yourself and your abilities for some time. However, working on it can be transformational to your levels of WorkGloom.

Let me ask you this: On a scale of one to ten, how would you rate your current level of self-belief? If it’s below five, listen up because I’m going to tell you how to nudge it up the scale. l’d love to encourage you to think of your self-belief as a plant. It needs sunlight, oxygen, soil, and water to blossom.

Sunlight
It’s easy to get stuck over-thinking, catastrophizing, and putting walls up. Bringing your thoughts out of your head and into the light will help you inject a strong dose of reality and enable you to deal with your stories in a positive way. 

There are many ways to get things out of your head: some people write them down (journaling, morning pages, and free writing are great tools), some people get artistic (draw, paint, dance, sing), and many people use conversation.

Oxygen
Getting your stories into a conversation with someone you trust breathes life into them. It stops them being out of control fantasies. When done in partnership with someone you trust, who has your best interests at heart and can talk honestly about their views, it can be transformational. You’ll gain much-needed perspective and benefit from the gifts of their thinking, advice, and feedback.

Water
You can add water to your self-belief by seeking out facts, data, and evidence to dispel myths and support growth. It’s human nature to focus on what supports your initial thinking – a phenomenon called confirmation bias – so seek out data from multiple angles. 

Get feedback from different people as multiple sources create a more balanced viewpoint. Aim for information that enables you to understand what you’re doing well and where you can improve. 

Soil
The experiences you choose to give yourself will act as the soil in which you grow. You can choose whether that is rich and fertile, or dry and crusty! Stepping out of your comfort zone and into the learning zone will enable you to learn through your experience, collecting new stories and expanding the pot in which your plant sits.

Your plant may flower best at certain times and in certain situations. At other times, it might be re-seeding itself – getting ready to bloom. The reality is that sometimes you’re likely to be pulled in one direction or the other. Whether you need to pull yourself up or rein yourself in, through practice you’ll be able to draw upon the stories that have the biggest impact on your WorkJoy.

If you are feeling that sense of being stuck, my WorkJoy Jam episode with the fabulous Sadia Salam may be just what you need to get yourself out of the quagmire!

How to: get support for what you want

Once you’ve acknowledged that you want more from your work, have decided that you deserve it and nurtured your self-belief, it’s time to go about getting it. For this, you may (or may not) need some support. 

If you work in a big organisation (or a small but enlightened one), you might have access to some learning and development opportunities. Group-based workshops, seminars, away-days and such can be fabulous, eye-opening things (I often run them myself) but it’s perfectly possible that that kind of support isn’t going to get you what you want. For instance: 

– You might not want your boss to hear about your struggles with work-life balance and how you want to secure a four-day week

– You might not want your colleagues to hear about problems in your team that mean you want to transition to another role

– And you might not want anyone at work to get wind of the fact that you want to turn your side hustle into a full-time gig

So maybe the missing piece in your quest to get more from your work is a deeply personalised, individual, focused 1-1 relationship, that takes you from great to amazing and helps you work out the kinks. Somewhere you can be open and vulnerable, without being judged (or fired!). 

That’s the support you get from coaching. And there are three ways to get it.

1. Fully funded by your organisation
2. Funded jointly by you and your organisation
3. Fully funded by you

There are lots of reasons you might want to self-fund, if you can afford it. But if you can’t or if you can make a strong business case for why the coaching will benefit your team or organisation, you can ask for funded coaching, or to split it with your employer. 

Remember: many organisations have banks of coaches they use, so you might be able to get connected to one. And if they can’t offer you financial support for coaching, it’s well worth asking if they can support you by giving you time off to attend coaching meetings. 

A final thingy: Just ask

It’s easy to assume that others know what you want, and that when an opportunity to give you what you want arises, they’ll just offer it to you.

Nope. 

Bosses and organisations have their own ideas about what you should be doing, aligned with their own values, priorities and goals, and when an opportunity arises to give you what they want for you, they’ll offer you that instead. And you might even take it. Why? Because you’re grateful 🤦‍♀️.

So the sooner you ask for what you want, the better. 

Get support if you need it. 

Start now. 

And remember: You’re allowed to want more from your work.

Testimonial: self-belief

I wholeheartedly recommend Beth as a career coach. I met Beth at a time where I felt unfulfilled with my career and was looking for the next step up. Beth’s programme offered me the help and inspiration I needed to move forward. It gave me clarity on my goals, values and aspirations and left me feeling empowered and confident. I always feel energised after my coaching sessions with Beth. She knows how to push me out of my comfort zone in a supportive way, holds me accountable to reach my goals and strives to unlock a mindset open to growth and development. She has been instrumental in building my strengths and reactivating my passion, and ultimately unlocking the best version of myself.  

Next steps: Decide what level or action you’re ready for

While deciding you want more from your work can be a relatively speedy enterprise (I mean, if you weren’t there at the beginning of this guide I hope you are now), growing self-belief can take a little longer (and a lot of regular watering). So if you feel like you’re not ready to take the ultimate ‘I want more step’ you have in mind, here are a few things you can do to work up to it. 

1. Sign up for a regular WorkJoy injection
All the best bite-sized tips and tricks are on LinkedIn>, so if you do one thing today, make following me on LinkedIn> that thing. 

2. Grab an hour for personal-professional development
I’ve got a few downloads waiting for you, and I’m thinking that WorkJoy: where do you get yours? might be perfect for you right now. 

3. Start working your way out of chronic WorkGloom
Get my 21-day GloomBusters audio guide>. A five-minute gloom-lifting audio will pop into your WhatsApp every day for three weeks. All you have to do is listen.

4. Buy a book
My book, WorkJoy: a toolkit for a better working life, has chapters on values, boundaries, rewriting your stories, and much more. Think of it like the WorkJoy curriculum. 

5. Book a chat
Really stuck? Book a 1-1 coaching call with me>.

Spread the WorkJoy

Got a friend who’s stuck thinking they don’t deserve a great job, a great life, a great anything? Send them this. And maybe a silly voice note telling them how awesome they are 😜.

Photo by Millo Lin on Unsplash