Your comfort zone has become a dead zone and you know you have to make a change, but you can’t imagine getting up the courage…

Your company has announced ‘exciting changes’, which may or may not be code for ‘restructuring and redundancies’, and you don’t know whether to stick or twist…

You’re just bloody knackered by your job, your boss, your Slack, all of it. You want out. You need out. But you don’t know if it’ll be any better elsewhere…

Ah, the crossroads. What a place. And no, I’m not talking about the 60s TV show, or the 90s banger by the highly esteemed Bone Thugs-N-Harmony (Spotify it now and relive the best decade ever). I’m talking about the place you hang out when you’re between things; the place you go to when there’s a big decision to make, maybe the place you’re unceremoniously dumped from time to time. When you’re at a crossroads, you have to figure stuff out. You have to make plans. And maybe you have to have a little word with yourself. It’s not easy. But it is worthwhile. Because on the other side of the crossroads, somewhere between you and the horizon, might just be something truly cool. 

How to use this guide

I figure that if you’ve read this far, you’re probably feeling the ache – the signal that something needs to change (more on that below). It’s a whole vibe, isn’t it? There’s a lot to say. A lot to absorb. So I’m going to suggest that you park up and read the whole juicy lot of it. 

CONTENTS

Know this: when you know something has to change, it aches
Internal vs. external change
How to: Let go
Life-stage changes
Courage over confidence
Know this: create an amazing plan B, C and D
Next steps: getting ready to cross

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Know this: when you know something has to change, it aches

Maybe you feel like you do the same thing, day in, day out. Same meetings. Same inbox. Same to-do list. Same problems. Same same same. And maybe that felt okay for a while. In fact, maybe it was exactly what you needed as you got a qualification, or worked your way into a better role, or as you negotiated upheaval in your personal life. But now, you think about the prospect of making a change, and it aches.  

Maybe you’ve realised that your workplace culture is not aligned with your mental or physical wellbeing. You’ve put up with it for so long, it’s almost become the norm, and you find yourself questioning if this isn’t just the way things are everywhere. But it’s drained you of WorkJoy and you feel yourself going to the dark side. And now, when you think about finding an organisation with a great culture, it aches. 

Maybe you’ve worked your way up and across, up some more, and tied yourself in knots in the process, and you know there’s nowhere to go but somewhere new. You’ve gotten all you can from your current role or organisation, and you know you have to cut the cord, but you’re just so comfortable. You can do your job standing on your head and you get nothing but great feedback, but when you think about new opportunities and fresh challenges, it aches. 

Want to know what I think that ache is? Your wiser self pummelling its tiny fists on your insides, hoping to hell you’ll stop and listen. And the more you ignore it, the more ferocious it’s going to get, until you accidentally meet someone who has the life/job/WorkJoy that is rightfully yours and it full on gut-punches you. 

All I can say is, IYKYK. And IYK, it’s time to listen to that voice. You’re at a crossroads, and every crossroads is an opportunity for awesomeness. 

Reflection questions:  Take a few moments to think about a crossroads you’ve faced in the past. Are you at a crossroads now? What kind of crossroads and how does it feel?

Internal vs. external change

It is almost universal that everyone wants something in their organisation to change. Yet, when things do change, your brain finds it very hard to handle. There’s a difference in how the changes you choose to initiate (internal) and those which are thrust upon you (external) feel. Enforced change takes away choices and can leave you feeling disempowered. 

Organisational change is often too small or the wrong solution to make a difference, so you get disappointed. Or it’s too big and it starts to have a major impact, leading us from feeling a little bit peeved that the puzzle hasn’t been fixed to a feeling of loss of control. Even the word ‘change’ can send shivers down the spines of the most resilient of us.

It’s a constant feature – from changing customer needs to new technology, structures, and, of course, ‘the pivot’ (the buzz word for change occurring during Covid-19). It often means breaking something apart and putting it back together in a different way – rethinking roles and rearranging teams. Whether it’s your role that gets lost, or the roles of the people around you, it can have a lasting impact. 

It is unlikely you’ll make it through your entire career without being subjected to some sort of organisational change process, so being ready for it, and approaching it with a WorkJoy mindset, may help. One way to help yourself is to accept that you are likely to not be in control of how it plays out. Influence yes; control no. And sometimes the best decision you can make is to simply let go. 

FREE DOWNLOAD: If you’re experiencing restructuring, redundancies or exhaustion, I want to help. So I’ve snipped a little bit out of my book just for you. Download my three Change Challenges.

How to: Let go

In her book Almost Everything: Notes on Hope, the great Ann Lammott wrote (about the result of the 2016 US election if I remember rightly), ‘Forget letting go and letting God. It was time for brooding, stewing, victimised self-righteousness, and thoughts of revenge.’ And who could blame her? 🫢

Seriously though, sometimes a bit of brooding is what’s required. And if you’ve been unwillingly restructured out of your organisation, if you’ve slammed into a ceiling (metaphorically speaking) or been put under so much pressure you’re about to go bang, harbouring a little revenge fantasy might feel genuinely therapeutic. But eventually, you’re going to have to

Let

Go.

People say it all the time don’t they, like it’s as easy as anything: ‘Oh, just let it go’ or ‘Why don’t you move on?’ Well let me tell you, if letting go was easy, everyone would be doing it. When you’re standing at your crossroads, pondering whether (and who knows, how) to actually cross, so much can flash though your mind: 

– What if it all goes tits up?

– What if the grass isn’t actually greener elsewhere?

– What if my dreams of change are nothing but the musings of a fantasist? 

– What if that ache is just…heartburn? 

You might worry about being wrong. You might stress about paying bills. You might have gotten so used to your comfort zone you can’t imagine the world outside it. All valid. As well as listening to the little wiser self kicking and screaming in your guts, you do need to listen to these voices, too. They need to be heard. But when you’ve had it out with all of them, when you’ve picked your time and you have your plan, you’re going to need to let go.

Before we talk about how to do that, let’s look quickly at another type of change. 

COACHING OFFER: Navigating change is tough. I’ve done it many (many!) times myself, helped organisations do it (so I can see it from both sides) and supported loads of clients through it. If you need to weigh up your options, figure out your next steps or just have someone on your side, book a quick chat with me.

Life-stage change

There’s internal change, there’s external change, and then there’s just…growing up. No one is immune to crossroads. There isn’t a human out there who can escape the uncertainty and twitchiness of not knowing which way to go, or what’s on the other side. Because even if you don’t put yourself in the way of change, it sure as hell puts itself in the way of you. 

Here are a few examples of big life changes, some of which we choose to navigate, some of which we just have to, like it or not: 

• Finishing formal education and starting your first job
  7pm and still at your desk? Yeah, that, and much, much more.
  
  
• Moving house
  If you’ve ever rented in London you’ll have done it a dozen times before you hit 30, and it never gets easier.
  
  
• Marrying and/or moving in with a partner
  If you’re on the cusp can I suggest you have a conversation about domestic chores right now?
  
  
• Getting promoted to your first management job
  So now you’re the boss of your friends, who are no longer your friends. And you no longer have time to do your actual work. Aces.
  
  
• Having kids
  Nothing. Will. Be. The. Same. Again. Ever. (I say this as a child-free person!) 
  
  
• Becoming another kind of caregiver
  Caring for elderly or sick parents is a doozie enough. Caring for them at the same time as caring for kids is called sandwich caring, and it ain’t no picnic. 
  
  

• Studying for further qualifications
  After my MA, I gave my husband instructions to pin me down if he ever heard me say the letters P, H and D in the same sentence. 10 years on I’m kinda tempted though…
  
  
• Empty-nesting
  If you’re in the thick of parenting you might find yourself longing for the time they leave. By all accounts, it’s a shock and a half. 
  

Sure, this list reads as kind of depressing because I chose to focus on the outright whaaaaat? of all these transitions. The reality is, you’ll probably not do all of these things and they won’t all be at the same time. And, of course, while they might feel hard when you’re in them, they’re also really meaningful. This is life, right here. Scary and beautiful and shocking and amazing. But there is a universal way through. 

Choose courage over confidence

Be honest now, how many times have you sat on your bum for a touch too long, waiting to develop the confidence to make the move you know you need to make? Maybe you’re sat there right now, just…aching with untapped potential, unrealised opportunities? Or maybe there’s a grand life-stage change looming (to study or not? To have kids or not have kids?) and you’re dilly-dallying.  

I get why we do it. Crossroads can be scary, and terribly consuming of time and energy. There might be a lot to lose. But you’ll never have the confidence to do the thing before you actually do the thing. You get the confidence to do the thing as you do the thing. 

Waiting to develop confidence is like waiting to develop physical strength. You get strong by exercising your body, and you get confident by exercising your…

COURAGE.

So how does one feel more courageous? Glad you asked. Maybe you need to get your squad involved (for a hive mind or some high fives). Maybe you need to properly assess the risks involved in your move so you’re clear on what’s at stake. I can also highly recommend assessing the positive outcomes, too, because sometimes we get stuck in the worst case scenario rather than the best, when the outcome is more likely to be somewhere between the two. 

Reflection questions:  When have you done big, brave things before and it’s been absolutely fine? When have you done big, brave things before and it’s not been fine, but you’ve had the resilience to cope with that?

Say it with me: “Brave decisions will build my confidence.”

That’s the spirit. 

Know this: create an amazing plan B, C and D

I find planning is an excellent remedy for uncertainty. If you’re not sure that your amazing Plan A is going to work out, it can’t hurt to have a brilliant Plan B. Or for that matter, a superb Plan C and a damn delightful Plan D as well. This way, you’ll never be disappointed. 

That’s it. That’s all my advice on the matter.  

Next steps: getting ready to cross

If the ache is intensifying every time you set foot in the office (or log onto Teams), a few tiny steps in the direction of your crossroads can have a galvanising effect. A podcast here. A chapter of a book there…

Wait. I have ideas. 

Follow me on Linkedin for tidbits of interesting worky things.

Dive into the WorkJoy Jam podcast archive for interviews with experts on all aspects of WorkJoy. 

Pick a chapter of my book, WorkJoy: a toolkit for a better working life to read each week.  

Book a 1-1 chat with me for an instant hit of strategy, courage or confidence. 

Spread the WorkJoy

Know someone who’s standing frozen, immobile, fearful at a crossroads? Send them this article, and maybe invite them for some cake 🍰.